Solo Dating- Decoded.

Over the years, I have come to spend more and more time alone and by myself and this has really helped me build a relationship with myself. I have been one of those people who could not bring herself to spend even 30 mins alone ever since I was a little girl. My mother could not even afford to leave me by myself for a bit because I used to start cribbing and crying. I have always needed company. But trust me, this is not a good thing, and this isn’t something of which I am proud. I have been too dependent on people around me for literally everything- loving me, protecting me, providing for me, being there for me emotionally- literally everything. And it has been a major part of my learning curve to break this cycle.

A big part of my self-love journey has been becoming comfortable in my own skin and being there for myself and becoming independent emotionally. I was in Bengaluru when I was around 21 years old and that was the first time I was away from my family. I had no friends in Bengaluru (not that I had too many friends in my own city as well but there was at least family here). This is when I started going out alone! And trust me, it was not easy. I had to push myself out of my comfort zone, but this was one of the best things I ever did for myself! I went for movies alone; I went to café alone. And it felt amazing.

But. I stopped doing all this for myself whenever I had a romantic partner. And that is when I actually realised the importance of these solo dates!

What are solo dates? And what is solo dating?

Well, as I always say, ‘the most important relationship you will ever have is WITH YOURSELF.’ You make sure you put in all the efforts in all your relationships but how often do you prioritize your relationship with yourself? So, solo dating is always being in a loving, healthy relationship with yourself. Literally always DATING yourself, even when you are romantically involved with a person! Yes. Solo dating is not something that ‘single’ or ‘lonely’ people do, it is something all of us should do, no matter our gender, no matter our relationship status. You cannot maintain, nourish, cherish, build, any other relationship in your life, if you have a shitty relationship with yourself. Solo dates are, taking yourself out! Wherever you like! I know at our homes, we do usually spend time with ourselves but that is not enough, trust me. You need to see, feel, and understand, who you are, outside of your house, your comfort zone! And solo dates can look different for everyone- for some it would be taking oneself out for coffee, for some it could be shopping, for some it could be a fancy meal, for some it could be going for a long walk by the lake, for some it could be going on a whole trip alone, for some it could be a movie date with yourself! It is going to be different for everyone, but I personally feel in whatever capacity you can, do it!

Why are solo dates important?

1)    Build self-confidence.

2)    Helps you become comfortable with yourself, in your own skin.

3)    Helps you understand yourself better.

4)    Helps in building a relationship with yourself.

5)    Creates a space FOR YOU. Becomes your outlet to do things that you love to do!

6)    Creates emotional independence.

7)    Gives you a space to be yourself, without any filter.

8)    Helps you create a safe space for yourself!

9)    Helps you take time out for yourself, gives you your me-time, your personal space.

10) You begin to trust yourself more.

11) Helps you take your own decisions yourself, will improve your decision making power and will create self-trust!

Do you FEAR going on solo dates (going out alone)?

Let me try to help you with this.

First ask yourself, ‘WHY DO I FEAR GOING OUT ALONE?’

Is it fear of judgement? Do you think people will assume you have no friends and that it is pathetic you are out alone? Do you think doing out alone means you are lonely? If this is the case, ask yourself, ‘how do I perceive people who I see going out alone?’ Chances are, you yourself judge people who go out alone and who are comfortable in their own skin because that is who you are!!!!! I always say, ‘people mirror you.’ Everything you are, everything you think is going to bounce back at you! So, take a little while and introspect and ask yourself these questions. Work through the fear of judgement from other people, the judgement you have for yourself and the judgement you have for other people! ( if you need help working on this judgement, get in touch me for a 1:1 session and I will be happy to help you through this!)

Second, do you feel confused as to what will you do alone on solo dates?

If this is the case with you, chances are, you do not know yourself well. A person who knows herself/himself well, who is self-aware, would know what they enjoy doing by themselves! A self-aware person always knows what they enjoy, how they enjoy it. So, if you find yourself questioning yourself as to what you would do alone, when you go alone somewhere, you might want to work on self-awareness, you might want to work on knowing yourself more. Most of the people out there do not know themselves and in my humble opinion it is very important and non-negotiable to know yourself! You will spend eternity in trying to know the other people in your life, but how much time do you spend in knowing yourself? How much do you know about your likes, your dislikes, things that make you happy, things that make you upset, things that trigger you, things that spark a light in your eyes, things that motivate you, your boundaries, your negotiables and your non-negotiables, and the list could go on and on. Self-awareness is important. (if you want guidance and help with becoming more self-aware, get in touch with me to book a 1:1 session with me and I would be more than happy to guide you!)

I have also come to realise that people who are scared to spend time with themselves, in silence, often are extremely scared of themselves and their own thoughts! You might have seen people who never sit alone, always keep themselves surrounded with people and some of them even always keep music on around them, they will not be found without a song in their background! This is because they do not trust themselves with themselves and they are scared to address their own emotions and hear their own thoughts. Which in my humble opinion is alarming and is something that a person should consciously work on! And you know I am here to help you with that!

Building a relationship with yourself is not the most smooth, comfortable, or linear path but once you do it, it is so highly rewarding and worth it, trust me on this! Romanticize your life every chance you get because no one else is coming to do that, and I mean this in an extremely sweet and positive way possible. Everything you expect others to give you, give it to yourself first! People mirror you, always remember. Want flowers? Buy yourself the damn flowers! Want a gift? Buy yourself the damn gift! Want reassurance? Give yourself the damn reassurance! Want love? Love the hell out of yourself! Want to go out? Take yourself out! How you choose to treat yourself is how others will treat you, and this line is deeper than you realise! 😊 

So, when and where is your next/first solo date, my love?